JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day
I met an older woman at a bar last night.
She wasn't bad for 57, we drank and bullsh*tted a bit, then she asked ifI 'd ever had a mother and daughter threesome?
I said no.
We drank a bit more, then she says that tonight was my lucky night.
I went back to her place.
She put the hall light on and shouted upstairs:
"Mom you still awake?"
Posted by Wan Ipoh Booster at 12:05 AM 1 comments
JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day
1. The nicest thing about the future is that it always starts tomorrow.
2. Money will buy a fine dog, but only kindness will make him wag his tail.
3. If you don't have a sense of humor, you probably don't have any sense at all.
4. Seat belts are not as confining as wheelchairs.
5. A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water.
6. How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night?
7. Business conventions are important because they demonstrate how many people a company can operate without.
8. Why is it that at class reunions you feel younger than everyone else looks?
9. Scratch a dog and you'll find a permanent job.
10. No one has more driving ambition than the boy who wants to buy a car.
11. There are no new sins; the old ones just get more publicity.
12. There are worse things than getting a call for a wrong number at 4 AM. It could be a right number.
13. Think about this ... No one ever says "It's only a game" when his team is winning.
14. I've reached the age where the happy hour is a nap.
15. Be careful reading the fine print. There's no way you're going to like it.
16. The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same size bucketI just love the following .....
17. Do you realize that in about 40 years, we'll have thousands of OLD LADIES running around with tattoos? (And RAP music will be the Golden Oldies!)
18. Money can't buy happiness -- but somehow it's more comfortable to cry in a Corvette than in a Yugo.
19. After a certain age, if you don't wake up aching in every joint, you are probably dead.
Ain't it the truth!!
Posted by Wan Ipoh Booster at 12:00 AM 0 comments
JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day
A man was taking it easy, lying on the grass and looking up at the clouds. He was identifying shapes when he decided to talk to GOD.
"GOD", he said, "How long is a million years?"
GOD answered, "In my frame of reference, it's about a minute."
The man asked, "GOD, how much is a million dollars?"
GOD answered, "To Me, it's a dime."
The man then asked, "GOD, can I have a dime?"
GOD said, "In a minute."
Posted by Wan Ipoh Booster at 1:37 AM 0 comments
JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day
I am passing this on to you because it definitely worked for me, and we all could use more calm in our lives. By following the simple advice I heard on a Dr. Phil show, I have finally found inner peace.
Dr. Phil proclaimed the way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started. So, I looked around my house to see things I started, and hadn't finished; and, before leaving the house this morning, I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of Kahlua, a package of Oreo's, a pot of coffee, the rest of the Cheesecake, some Saltines, and a box ofGodiva Chocolates.
You have no idea how freaking good I feel.
Posted by Wan Ipoh Booster at 11:20 PM 0 comments
JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day
Sleeping Beauty, Tom Thumb, and Quasimodo were all talking one day.
Sleeping Beauty said, "I believe myself to be the most beautiful girlin the world.
"Tom Thumb said, "I must be the smallest person in the world.
"Quasimodo said, "I absolutely have to be the most disgusting person in the world.
"So they all decided to go to the Guinness Book of World Records tohave their claims verified.
Sleeping Beauty went in first and came out looking deliriously happy."It's official, I AM the most beautiful girl in the world.
"Tom Thumb went next and emerged triumphant, "I am now officially thesmallest person in the world.
"Sometime later, Quasimodo comes out looking utterly confused andsays."Who the hell is Rosie O'Donnell ?
Posted by Wan Ipoh Booster at 11:17 PM 0 comments
JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day
A husband and wife came for counseling after 15 years of marriage.When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a passionate,painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the 15 yearsthey had been married.
She went on and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness,loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list ofun-met needs she had endured over the course of their marriage.
Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufficient length of time, thetherapist got up, walked around the desk and, after asking the wife tostand, embraced and kissed her passionately.
The woman shut up and quietly sat down as though in a daze.
The therapist turned to the husband and said, "This is what yourwife needs at least three times a week Can you do this?
"The husband thought for a moment and replied,.. "Well, I can dropher off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Friday's, I fish!
Posted by Wan Ipoh Booster at 11:35 PM 0 comments
JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day
A man was sitting at a bar when he noticed a pirate walk in the front door. The pirate had a peg leg,
a hook for one hand, and a patch over one eye. Feeling sorry for the pirate, the man said,"Come over here friend. You look like you've had a hard life and I'd liketo buy you a drink." The pirate came over and ordered rum.
"Just out of curiosity," the man said, "how did you lose your leg?"
"Arrrgh!" said the pirate, "I lost that timber to a tiger shark in the Caribbean when I was thrown overboardfor
stealing a man's rum."
"That's just terrible. How did you lose your hand?" the man said.
"Arrrgh!" said the pirate, "I lost that fighting cannibals offMadagascar under Admiral Hawk."
"Oh my!" the man said, "I can't even imagine!
How did you lose your eye?"
"Arrrgh! A seagull pooped in it!" said the pirate.
"A seagull!" the man exclaimed. "Is seagull poop dangerous?!"
he asked. "Nay, matey, it was me first day with the hook..."
Posted by Wan Ipoh Booster at 11:32 PM 0 comments
